1:27am and all I can hear is the sound of someone practicing the bass guitar and this terrible Disney show the Replacements in the background. My cat is sleep by the Christmas tree and my boyfriend is sound in the other room. Sometimes I have a hard time just going to sleep even when I'm tired. I didn't have too bad of a day. I went up to the school to handle some business, went to my job to get my check and ended up staying longer than planned, went to the store for a few things, to the ATM and back home. It rained all day. I wanted to stay in bed because honestly I didn't feel too good. But this was my only off day from school and work to go and do almost everything I needed to get done. I feel a little better about myself. I guess...
Then I cooked, and played Tombraider for a few hours. I think I'm actually going to finish one of those games for once. I NEVER bet a Tombraider game before. Kinda sad because I been playing for years and you think I'd bet one of them. But I always get stuck on some part and give up and NEVER go back. And that's it. I never bet it. I'm trying to get better with that.
I thought about my best friend today and how we use to be. While everyone I may talk to about the subject don't quite see how big of a deal it is to me, I kinda just think about it when I'm alone. A lot of times I feel I don't fit in anywhere. I talk to people and whatnot but I never feel fully comfortable. It's always something I have to hold back-like my sense of humor. It's not all bad but it can be tooken the wrong way. Ugh...
I don't feel like I really have any friends anymore. I mean, the ones who say they are friends, aren't really. And the ones who say they will always be there, never do. And the ones who say they care, forget within the same day you told them about your issue. So, where does that lead you? Feeling like s***. Or at least, I do. The friends I do have, my mom, boyfriend and brother are great. But it's only so much you can do. You're mother doesn't wanna hear about what you and your boyfriend did last Valentine's day. You're boyfriend doesn't wanna give you advice on how to "get that bitch back" when you felt like you're so called friend don't you wrong. You're brother doesn't wanna hear about your girly problems. I don't know. I guess I'm ok with it. Just sometimes you want that shopping buddy again. Or that from another girl's point of view. Or someone who won't judge you and who knows you so well that they can stick up for you when someone says "she's weird". Well, my boyfriend got my back in that area. But can you imagine going shopping or clubbin' with your mom??? Ugh...or your brother?! Am I lame?!
I guess I'm trying to say I miss my friend. But it seems she doesn't care about me. We aren't close like we use to be. It's always weird to say "my best friend" or when someone referr to when we use to be how we were. We use to be inseparable. And now, we're just grown apart. We went two complete different directions. I never thought I'd see the day. Sometimes I feel that if I didn't move away to go to school, we would of still been cool and something would of worked out. We would of still been close and hanging out when we're bored and telling eachother everything and just having a friend you can borrow things from. Stupid stuff like that. It would of been on a totally different level than what it was when were in middle school and high school. We could of chat everynight after work. We would go to the mall on a friday, to lunch on saturday and done laundry on sunday. Not that I want to spend that much time with a girl (trying not to sound gay) but just to have that friend I can call when I'm bored and wanna just hang out. But I don't have that no more. She's too tied up into men and everything else to care what's going on with me. She made a huge deal out of me not wanting to talk to her anymore after the incident when my bro died. Then when I decide to squash it and let it go, she acts like I'm not there. She talks to everyone but me. She's TOO BUSY to call me sometimes or to actually hang out with me when we make plans. Everytime we made plans, she cancelled on me for some bogus reason after another. Most of the time it was for a man. That's where we've gone!? I feel like I don't even know her anymore, and to a point, I don't.
And why do people feel they have to hide things from me? I mean, if you say one thing and do another, what's that?! Why would you say you'll do this or won't do this anymore and do it? Or swear on everything it's not like that but it is? Or act like things are ok but they aren't!? I don't get it.
I guess with all the ranting and whining, I'm just saying I miss my friend.
And I just wish we didn't lose touch.
Well, I'm going to try to get some sleep. LONG day tomorrow. I hate men's magazines. I need a better past time.
Til next time...
6 comments:
You have to understand that people grow up and grow apart. You can't expect that her life revolves around you. What you just posted sounded so SELFISH. It isn't all about you, and it never will be. Your "friend" is living her life, and so should you. While the title says Jayivey Universe, but that universe is made up of ONE person. Toughen up, stop depending on other people for your happiness. People always will let you down. Remember that.
OBVIOUSLY it's not about me. I didn't say that. And I think it's the other way around, buddy. I was living my life and she didn't understand that and now all of a sudden, she makes it seem like she's too busy for me even though she doesn't do anything but work and "clean". As for toughen up, I am. I just wanted to rant. I'm starting to realize EVERYONE lets you down. Thanks for reading.
Jay, It's Ashley. I just wanted to let you know that you do have a true friend, and thats me. Just know that you can call AT ANY TIME. It doesn't matter what time it is or whatever, if you need to talk then you can call me. As far as Nina goes, I really am sorry that y'all aren't close anymore. Yea to a certain extent it is like what "ThatGuyThatRidesMarta" wrote, people do grow up and grow apart. But there's a difference in growing up and growing apart. And then pretty much giving your so called best friend the guilt trip about leaving Athens to make a better life for oneself. She had every opportunity to do that herself. She could have, if she had really wanted it. I just think that she's too caught up in the issues that aren't important and is too blind to realize she needs to take care of the things that truly matter. Instead of running after Cozroy, she needs to let that son of a bitch go, and start putting her main focus on Kiara. And also trying to mend friendships like y'alls. Jay, I know that it sucks that things turned out the way they did. But Jay, there's nothing you could have done to prevent Nina from making the decisions that she's made. Yea y'all might have remained close if you had stayed in Athens, but y'all remaining close wasnt gonna give you a career. She knows what she's doing, and she's probably not gonna realize how badly she's pushed certain people away until she really needs someone and its too late. But yea just know that im always here for you and that I love you!
LOL, I really couldn't see doing all of the best friend things with people like your brother, mother, or boyfriend. Except for maybe going shopping with my mom.
Thanks, Ashley! Those were really kind words. :) I really appreciate it and also, Thanks for reading my blog. She doesn't do that either. (man, I need to stop complaining) Thanks for always being there! :) You are a true friend!
And shopping with mom isn't that bad...I was being funny, kinda. LOL Loves you too, girl!
Men's magazines ROCK! Well only King, but sometimes those are getting whack. We only want to see ASS & TITTIES & BIG BOOTY WOMEN!
Don't Hate!
I'm mad yall used names like that. Put that person all the way on blast! DAMN
Aren't you a man, King Jerm?
My point exactly.
And what are these names we are using? I'm confused...lol
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