Why can't I get the truth?

1:27am and all I can hear is the sound of someone practicing the bass guitar and this terrible Disney show the Replacements in the background. My cat is sleep by the Christmas tree and my boyfriend is sound in the other room. Sometimes I have a hard time just going to sleep even when I'm tired. I didn't have too bad of a day. I went up to the school to handle some business, went to my job to get my check and ended up staying longer than planned, went to the store for a few things, to the ATM and back home. It rained all day. I wanted to stay in bed because honestly I didn't feel too good. But this was my only off day from school and work to go and do almost everything I needed to get done. I feel a little better about myself. I guess...
Then I cooked, and played Tombraider for a few hours. I think I'm actually going to finish one of those games for once. I NEVER bet a Tombraider game before. Kinda sad because I been playing for years and you think I'd bet one of them. But I always get stuck on some part and give up and NEVER go back. And that's it. I never bet it. I'm trying to get better with that.
I thought about my best friend today and how we use to be. While everyone I may talk to about the subject don't quite see how big of a deal it is to me, I kinda just think about it when I'm alone. A lot of times I feel I don't fit in anywhere. I talk to people and whatnot but I never feel fully comfortable. It's always something I have to hold back-like my sense of humor. It's not all bad but it can be tooken the wrong way. Ugh...
I don't feel like I really have any friends anymore. I mean, the ones who say they are friends, aren't really. And the ones who say they will always be there, never do. And the ones who say they care, forget within the same day you told them about your issue. So, where does that lead you? Feeling like s***. Or at least, I do. The friends I do have, my mom, boyfriend and brother are great. But it's only so much you can do. You're mother doesn't wanna hear about what you and your boyfriend did last Valentine's day. You're boyfriend doesn't wanna give you advice on how to "get that bitch back" when you felt like you're so called friend don't you wrong. You're brother doesn't wanna hear about your girly problems. I don't know. I guess I'm ok with it. Just sometimes you want that shopping buddy again. Or that from another girl's point of view. Or someone who won't judge you and who knows you so well that they can stick up for you when someone says "she's weird". Well, my boyfriend got my back in that area. But can you imagine going shopping or clubbin' with your mom??? Ugh...or your brother?! Am I lame?!
I guess I'm trying to say I miss my friend. But it seems she doesn't care about me. We aren't close like we use to be. It's always weird to say "my best friend" or when someone referr to when we use to be how we were. We use to be inseparable. And now, we're just grown apart. We went two complete different directions. I never thought I'd see the day. Sometimes I feel that if I didn't move away to go to school, we would of still been cool and something would of worked out. We would of still been close and hanging out when we're bored and telling eachother everything and just having a friend you can borrow things from. Stupid stuff like that. It would of been on a totally different level than what it was when were in middle school and high school. We could of chat everynight after work. We would go to the mall on a friday, to lunch on saturday and done laundry on sunday. Not that I want to spend that much time with a girl (trying not to sound gay) but just to have that friend I can call when I'm bored and wanna just hang out. But I don't have that no more. She's too tied up into men and everything else to care what's going on with me. She made a huge deal out of me not wanting to talk to her anymore after the incident when my bro died. Then when I decide to squash it and let it go, she acts like I'm not there. She talks to everyone but me. She's TOO BUSY to call me sometimes or to actually hang out with me when we make plans. Everytime we made plans, she cancelled on me for some bogus reason after another. Most of the time it was for a man. That's where we've gone!? I feel like I don't even know her anymore, and to a point, I don't.
And why do people feel they have to hide things from me? I mean, if you say one thing and do another, what's that?! Why would you say you'll do this or won't do this anymore and do it? Or swear on everything it's not like that but it is? Or act like things are ok but they aren't!? I don't get it.
I guess with all the ranting and whining, I'm just saying I miss my friend.
And I just wish we didn't lose touch.
Well, I'm going to try to get some sleep. LONG day tomorrow. I hate men's magazines. I need a better past time.
Til next time...

Cadillac Records

So a few days ago, I saw these neon pink passes sitting on top of the punch clock at work. They were passes to that new movie Cadillac Records. For a screening or something. (Never been to one of those before, so I thought "let's go!!") So, I got one for me and my boo. We left the house around 6:40 and arrived around 7:35. Don't ask what happened! It was pretty good for a free movie. LOL It was a lot better than what I thought it was going to be like. I mean, they had a lot of funny parts, though it's not a comedy. I like the casting. And the story was pretty good. Lots of love-angles. I'm not going to go into the movie just in case someone wants to see it. After all, it's not out in theaters yet. If I had to grade it on a scale 1 to 10, I'd give it a 7. And if we're talking school terms, I'd give it a B. I nice bold B. There were a few parts that were kinda left out for me and what not, but the music was great and the characters, once again, where awesome. And the commericals are a little off about that movie. First of all, they make it seem like another generic black people movie and it's not. One of the main characters was Adrein Brody!! He was good, by the way. And second, they put Beyonce ALL over the previews and movie poster as if she was the main character. Yes, her character she played is still alive today but man, what's with the overshininess! (made that up) Anyway, somewhere in the movie I missed a good 5 minutes because somebody decided they wanted to bring their 5 kids with them (2 of them being babies.) Well, this baby started crying and the mother refused to walk outside with all of that. Of course we were sitting right behind the noise. UGH!! And everyone looked around, including us. So out of nowhere some guy yells from the back, "Ay, take that baby outside!!" And a lot of people started laughing, including us. So the daddy got up but his girlfriend (?) told him to sit down. Funny thing, the baby stopped. LOL.
Anyway, I'm going to close this one, I got a long day tomorrow.
til next time...

Oh yea, that wig Beyonce had on was TERRIBLE....Stop it.

Days getting longer

Now that day light savings hit, I thought the days will get shorter. For me, not so much. I work longer hours, I work on a lot of school work and freelance work and I also have those home duties of cleaning, cooking, eating and taking care of everything. Yea yea yea, blah. And now another holiday is coming. Christmas. I use to love Christmas so much. I still love the lights, the weather, the songs, spending time with family and whatnot. (it snowed yesterday while I was at school)
I'm trying to figure out how to get all the important people out the way and what to get them? This shouldn't be too hard...right? Yea yea... it's going to be really cheap. lol ok, let's stop talking about this. So, I'm almost done with the whole transfer policy getting into another school. We shall see how that goes. I tried to get some kind of credit card and they sent me a letter in the mail telling me why they couldn't give it to me. Ugh.
I still get retarded comments on this thing but something is better than nothing, right? I guess.
Well, I gotta write 3 essay...so, I got my work cut out for me...yea...
til next time.

Stuck in my head.

When I heard Beyonce was coming out with a new album I was like, here we go! I mean, I don't get me wrong, she's very talented but her last album didn't show me much and that single "single ladies" is kinda...uh...I don't know the word I'm looking for. I wasn't really feeling "If I were a boy" at first. First of all, it seem like she was taking Ciara's concept-ish. It's almost the same song but as I listen to it again, it's a little different. Lyric wise, of course. Then I watched the video. It was touching. I like the song a lot now and I can't get it out of my head. I've been listening to it for the past 2 days. LOL I'm not going to lie, that video made me cry. At first I was like, "dang, poor guy" then when it switched over, I was like "oh, wow. poor girl". After all, it was the point of the song. I'm glad the song with the video because for some reason we have a lot of that going on. LOL Well, anyway...I'm posting the video. Watch if you haven't seen it. Watch if you wanna anyway. Peesh! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=na_da8u93GA

Thanksgiving!!! And the rest...

My best friend,me,my little cousin, and my other best friend.

I know it's been a while. Yea, been kinda busy. I started getting scheduled to work more now, I guess for the holidays. That's good...and bad. Well, let's see. I went to my hometown for Thanksgiving and saw my family and closest friends. It was nice. I had a great time. Though a few people I would love to see come didn't come, it was nice for what it's worth. We started eating around 3-ish. My uncle came by and so did my girl, Ashley. My cousin, Joe Joe stopped by for a second. Then the next door neighbors came by for a second. I made a pumpkin spice cake. And it looked scary for a second but it tasted great! It gotten eaten quick! Yaaay!! :)
So I went to my aunt's house and saw my uncle and my cousins from Miami, Detroit, and Washington D.C. I'm so happy I got to see them though I missed a few people. I had to go back home because unfortunately I had to work on Black Friday. UGHHH! Oh well...
And that's about it. Been working late hours for a week-ish now. So, I been tired... so If I don't blog much, that's why. Man, the holidays....

What's wrong with that??

So, I been working A LOT for the past few days and I'm like, super tired when I get home. Oh well, I need the money. Anyway, on my lunch break I went to Starbucks because they have the most delicious pumpkin spice lattes ever!!!!! (keep in mind, I work at another coffee house called Seattle's Best Coffee, owned by Starbucks) Well, came back and didn't get a chance to drink it all, so I had to bring it back to work with me. Well, one of my co-workers give me the hardest time about it. Like, why would I go to Starbucks on my break? Cause I need the caffeine and the flavor, man!! :) Double yum, homie! lol Anyway, so I'll probably never hear the end of that....til I do something else dumb. LOL My question is, is it THAT wrong?! I know others have done things like this!! Like this lady said she worked at publix but shopped at Kroger! That's genius! You know why? Cause Kroger is really cheap compared to Publix! You go, Lady!! Anywa, that ends this really short dumb blog...til next time.

What's up with that?

When I go home to visit my mom, I notice how dark it is (at night) and it's sad that they haven't put some street lights up by now. What if you break down on the side of the road and you don't have a flash light? What are you going to do? Wait for a car with their high beams to pass by you slow enough for you to see the problem?! Ughh. Anyway, I'm done with that. Just wanted to rant. Peesh!