A work in the process....

There's been a lot going on lately that left me with literally little to no time to write. :( Oh another note, I will be posting some of my artwork (that I feel) is pretty decent. So..in about roughly another 3 to 4 weeks, I'll have something. (the quarter will be up) I tell you, I have NEVER worked so hard... gah. Oh well! When life hands you lemons... get a packet of sugar and suck on it. (broke man's lemonade) Another thing, living off 2-3 hours of sleep a night is so not cutting it for me. I won't lie, I'm stressed as hell but I've been doing good not showing it. At least for now.
Til next time...if you're still around..

"The greatest obstacle I've ever faced in life was getting started." -Jayivey Thrasher

What da hell?!

So...uh, does anyone else thinks this look kinda...uh...

If I don't got it all...improvise!

*RING*

Hmm...why don't I ever hear the alarm go off? Maybe I should invest in one of those new alarms for people like me..the ones that sound like a chain saw or something. Yea...that'll fix me!

So, I got a late start today on my errands and taking care of business, which consist mainly of job hunting, paying bills, balancing my account and underwear shopping! (you can NEVER have enough underwear!) Victoria's Secret had a sale- 7 for $25 which is a sweet deal for them. Ha! SO...need I say more?

I ran into one of my old co-workers from Planet Smoothie. She had another set of twins. Yes, you heard right. She has 4 children and they are twins. WOW!! What's the chances of that?

I got everything done except my school stuff, unfortunately. Hopefully, I'm able to figure something out. I hope. Ugh.

I've been going to Caribou to use the wifi lately. Their wifi rocks! and uh...good cocoa! :) yum! I decided to take a break and write a bit. You know, keep up in the blog world...you know, for the kids?

My friend somehow left her draws in my car from the last time we hung out. She told me to throw them away...but some reason, they are still there. How do you leave your draws in someone's car anyway??

I was looking at dogs lately...I kinda want one. But I know I don't have the time or the money...so scratch that. Plus, I need to get my cat back.

My roommate is being nice to me all of a sudden. I hope he isn't dying.... ugh. I'll feel bad about all the bad things I said about him (which we so true) Sidenote: I'm so not moving in with him in January. I will literally, fall on top of a knife.

Why is the air blowing in my face?? Isn't it kinda cool out? Um...

I'm still looking for work...hopefully someone is nice enough to give me a chance...PLEASE!!! I gotta get out!! OMG!!!

I found some boots I like, but I don't have any money to get them. Drag...

I was thinking about ways to get money...um...drugs?

I was hoping that if I really had to gain weight, it would only be like 5 more pounds...not in my stomach. Sweet...

They are really pushing the holidays...I saw Christmas trees and gingerbread men in August...uh, what?!

Well, I gotta go! Mom called!!

Til next time...and all that jazzafix!

Some days are stranger than others...

Yesterday was Friday! And thank God for it! But it wasn't like most Fridays for me...actually, NO Friday is like other Fridays for me. Hmmm....

It started out ok. I woke up at 10:30am (damn that's early) and I went home to get in a shower. When I got to the apartment, my stuff was neatly pushed to a corner and my pots and pans were laid out on the corner. (Am I being put out?) My air mattress was against the wall. Whatever. My roomie was in the bathroom taking one of his famous long ass showers. *ugh* After he got out, I went in- after spraying down the tub with lots of Lysol. After all that, I went by my job because it was Pay Day and I've been waiting! I went inside my job and immediately was asked to drop some stuff off to people's tables and basically working off the clock. Wth? Hmm... It was ok though. I didn't mind. So, I got my check and reluctant to see how much I made, I looked at it and BOY was I disappointed. *sigh, story of my life* I had about an hour and a half till I had to be at work and on the clock. So, I went to the ATM to put my check in and send my mom some money. I went to the bank and stood in line for 30 minutes. When I got up to the window and the lady told me I had to have cash or a check on me to deposit money in another account and since I wasn't with the bank, I couldn't debit out of my account. FFFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!! >:( So anyway, I walked to Chick-fil-a and got something to eat because frankly, I'm tired of Mexican food. No offense. I stood there waiting for my food and a old lady approaches me and ask me am I with this other lady and little boy. I don't know why she asked me that. Strange. I told her no and she got embarrassed. After I left, I was heading to work and an homeless guy on a bench got up to greet me. He said "Hey!! Remember me?!" I told him no, as I sat there looking at him like he was crazy- which he probably was. He told me everyone knows him. He's homeless man Mike of Buckhead. (Sure, dude.) And that Tyler Perry was working on a film and a book for him about his life. I was like, "Dude, we all have a story". He said his was different. (oh really?) Supposedly he was from Africa somewhere, had a few degrees, been here since 1998....whoa whoa whoa, buddy! You've been homeless in Buckhead since 1998?! He said No, it's a long story, I'll have to read the damn book. *gah* After more B.S. he told me had a cell phone and some beer over at his bench and he needed a woman in his life. Yes, the damn man ask me to be his girl. Wtf?! And he asked to kiss me. Then it just got weird(er). So......... my mom called. (Thank God!) As I walked away, he yelled "I love you and you're always on my mind. I'll be here when you get off". Um...no thanks, dude.

I walked into work and begin my day. Work was ok...got busy then slow. They cut me around 9-ish? A couple came in and sat in one of the booths. Dude dropped his keys down between the wall and the seat. Who had to get it? Who else had small enough hands? Your's truly. My manager had came out and was about to yell at me for laying in the booths with my feet sticking out in the aisle until they told him what I was doing. I got it out and they said I rock. (Rock on!)

Work was over, finally. lol And I went to my 2nd home, Starbucks. (which is where I'm at now. Wifi!!) I notice an very old white man with a cane who kept staring at me..or at least I thought he was. His eyes were kinda closed-ish? Well, he came over to my table where I was set up and sat down with me and started talking to me. He told me about this Arab taxi driver who gives him free rides because he voted for Obama. And asking did I know how to type. Then he told me about the KKK clan meeting he went to. They put a K on his cheek. He told me if I see a man with a white cap and a K on his cheek, they are with the KKK. (And it just got real!) For some reason, he was still talking to me. Wow. Then his cab came and he left. *Awkward*

Since I had nothing to do with myself that night, I went back up to my job to see what my friends were up to. Then this nerd guy from middle school text me saying he was going to come to my job because he knew I was working tonight. OMG! When he came in, everyone's jaw dropped at his geeky-ness. I was just embarrassed he said Hi. One guy couldn't hold his composer anymore. He just got up and walked away and didn't come back. (wish I could do the same) I tried to tell dude that I wasn't any good for him and I would cheat on him and I'm not worth it. He didn't believe me. So, I sat him down and told him straight up. Look dude, we can't be. I didn't want to break his heart, but I can't see myself with him. It's just too....awkward.... :-/ Does that make me a douche? After butchering his pumping artery, I went home and surfed the web and dozed off.

There has been more stranger days...but this one was more on the awkward side. HA! Should of named this post, Awkward..ness. haha! Anyway....I'm going to go now... A wise and handsome son of a gun told me that I need a plan. And that I shall do. I have to figure out my next move.

Till next time...and there will be pictures!!

"Sometimes doing what's right doesn't always feel so good"

Pictures I like (of an adored actress)

This is just sexy... period.

This pic just really makes me smile. :) (how I would want to be with my family one day)

My living situation is so gay.

So, here I am at 1:52am at a local 24hr Dunkin Donuts using the wifi just so I can get away from my ridiculous roommate. Fun? Hardly.

I try to look at it on the bright side... (what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?)

But everytime I see his face, it makes me want to shove a pool stick in his skull. I just don't get it. How could anyone have THAT much to complain about? Hmmm.... Most gay guys are cool. This one...OH NO! So, as of now, I'm plotting my escape. Somehow, I seem to be always on the run now-a-days. I guess it makes a good story to tell, I suppose. *sigh*

On other news, Metric is having a concert this week and it's $50. I want to go but $50 is a little steep for me. So...I guess I'll just listen to their albums...lol

This weekend of course, is Halloween weekend. My cousin and I are celebrating...as usual. What does she want to do this year? She doesn't know. She just want to have fun. Which is totally fine but don't shoot down every idea someone else tells you if you don't have a clue what you want to do. And also, if you don't really have enough money to do all the things you want to do, let's keep it cheap. (advice for today from yours truly)

Lately, I've been feeling kinda old. I know I'm not that old but it sucks when someone in high school thinks you're their age and then finds out your not and respond with "Damn you're old!" O_O Yup...

Any new news? Trying to finish the dreaded AIA. Trying to find a job working overnight since that would be the only time I'll have to work. Looking for a new place to stay. It's getting kinda heavy, I might just have to move into my brother's living room. From living room to living room, here I come to stay!

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. I love food. Food rocks.

I can't help but to admit, I'm a little sad I don't have anyone this year...cuddling season is approaching...*sigh* oh well...I guess I'll just sip my coffee and dream. Be happy, Jay. Things aren't all that bad.

Well, I'm going to go now. I have a lot to do...and I'm getting paranoid out here.

Til next time.... Someday it'll bring me back to you...

Moments in time....

Feels good

10:45am- Oh damn, I'm late!! I had to be to work at 11am. Am I still on CPT? I was hoping I would of broken out of that again...maybe not. I need to work on that.
Work wasn't bad, at all. Kinda slow but steady. We got new menus! (yay for hatch chili!)
I actually got to school on time...just to find out the instructor wasn't there. So we had a sub. The sub is one of the "norm" teachers...strange guy but funny. I'm taking Intermediate 3D modeling...again. Gah! When will it end???
Since I'm around a computer, I checked my email. To my surprise, I got an email from my first love. I hate to admit, it brought tears to my eyes,being that I thought I will never hear from him again. It's funny because I was thinking about him earlier and last night before I went to bed. No matter how hard I try, everything reminds me of him...down to Mayer Hawthorne, Big Bang Theory, Scott Pilgrim, Jelly Beans, Hawaiian Punch and cats. *Sigh* I was telling someone about the time we went to the haunted house. -_- I figured maybe Usher was right...I do have it bad. But seriously, what can I do?? I try so hard to let go...I just can't. Am I crazy?
So anyway, after reading his email, I did feel a little better. I didn't feel like such a sap. I realized out relationship throughout the years and I had the best time of my life. I experienced a lot, learned a lot, and just enjoyed his company. I've haven't quite been able to run into another guy who I click with the way I did with him. It's kinda good and bad... Good because that means he's special. Bad because I'll probably never get married now. Damn. But hey, marriage isn't everything. I am glad to know he still loves me somewhere in his heart. I always wondered how could you stop loving someone so quick. I'm still hoping one day he will want to be my friend because I always loved him as a friend before we were together. I'm trying to be ok with the fact he's moved on and doesn't want to be with me anymore...ever. And eventually, I will...I hope. For now, I'm focusing on school, work, and getting myself together. One day, I'll have my own place again, get my cat back, and my life. Til then, I'm just a girl living in a living room of a nagging gay man who drives a moped. *sigh*
Well, gotta get ready for a birthday dinner tonight...it's the second one this week. What's with October babies?!
Til next time,

I forgive you.

Where ya been?

Ok,for those who do read my stuff, they ask, "where ya been??"
Honestly, I've been going through a LOT of crap....
Things aren't exactly all the way better but at least I have a computer to use now.
I'm back in school..which is great I guess. I really want my degree. It's been a long time coming.
I still work at a Mexican restaurant. And I live in living room of a gay guy. It's not all bad, but it's not all good. It could be so much worst. And you know what? I'm thankful for that. (haha-inside joke with a girl friend of mine)
You know something that always had me scratching my head? Relationships. I didn't think it would be such an heart ache til now. I tell ya, when that Irish guy said "when a heart breaks, no it don't break even" he was so right. Because it's like hell for me while he's doing so great, doing so much and seem to have forgotten about me. I'm trying to deal. Nothing works. Nothing. And everything hurts. Hopefully one day, I can and will be ok. For now, I'm just dealing. No one said it would be easy or take so long...but man, when does it end??
I'll always love him. Always have space in my heart for him. I always think of him. I guess it hurts more knowing the feeling isn't the same. And just the way he treated me hurt a lot, too. Instead of telling me he couldn't be my friend and didn't want to talk to me, he ignored me and treated me like a pest. Ouch.
Maybe I'll go away someday but til now, I'm stuck in a rut. Gotta be thankful for those.
I've been listening to Bjork a lot lately...it helps me a lot to...relax.
I saw my cat, Paco the other day for the first time since I dropped him off at my bro's house. He's a really fat cat. But I love him so much. My lil' boo he shall stay. Even if he was a bobcat, I will still love him. (I told my brother)
I think I'm going to go and do something with my life now...I been on this thing all day and only drank half of my coffee, ate half of my bagel, one spoon full of apple sauce and filled out half of a job app. *sigh* my life...
Til Next Time,
Cross your heart...and hope not to die.

Pondering on something late a night....

So, lately I've been working my butt off with barely time to eat,sleep or have a moment to myself...there's just not enough hours in a day. I swear. The days are still hot as hell...I'm so ready for the fall! :( I'm reluctant about finding out what I have to do for school...I'm so close. Will I get back in for the fall and graduate by Summer of next year?! Good question. Stay tuned I guess. My feet hurt a lot lately, I guess from being on them all the time. I thought since I work at a Mexican restaurant I'll get more immune to the cheese/dairy but no. It's still f***in me over. Ugh...
One of my friends who worked with me at one of my jobs had to leave Saturday. At such short notice too. She was suppose to leave next month but a change of plans made her leave very soon. I felt kinda bad for her because...well, in a nutshell, she was in love...her and her boyfriend both had to break up and neither one of them wanted to. It was really sad. That's all I'm going to say on that one...I don't wanna put her business out there like that. :-/ hmmm. I finally got a day off after a long weekend of working. It was nice to sleep in a bit. I'm thankful for that.
My mom took my dad to the hospital tonight...supposedly, he could be going blind in his right eye. I'm a little sad because I'm thinking...what would I do without my parents?! I don't want to loose either of them. And they just seem to be getting sicker and breaking down. I do wish and hope and pray on everything that they will live a little while longer to see me get married one day (if that will ever happen) and see their (well my mom's first) grandchild. And you know...just all of the above. I'm kinda tired of loosing people. Right now...it's just a little rough. Somehow lately, I've been able to keep a smile on my face and keep moving as if nothing is bothering me! :) The way it should be, I guess. *sigh*
Well, I do have to go right back to work tomorrow...just one job though. :) That's a little easy on me. Hopefully sooner than later, I'll be caught up on the bills and won't have to work two jobs anymore...or find something a little better that pays enough to survive a little. At the end of the day...I am trying to give it my all and just be a better person. And on a side note, since my car has been messed up, riding my bike is KILLING ME! But maybe it'll help me get back into shape, too. I hope so. I think my legs are getting a little toned now. Haha. :) Yay me!
Soo, I guess I"ll go now...you know...to sleep...It's late...and here I am again...up for no reason. I miss coffee. :(

Till next time! Stop procrastinating!

"He use to love me..."

Wishing I was just the one and only

I use to believe and take your word for the things that seem so crazy. Now I'm starting to believe that there is truth to the lies.

for the sake of writing....and love

Lately, I've been working a lot! I have two jobs...and it's all great and everything. (not really) but I need the money really bad...so, it will do for now...til I can do better. I been trying to write a script for this movie my friends and I are trying to do. We are really trying to make it a good one this time. I mean, all of the movies were good but this one will be longer than 5 mins and the acting will be better...and well, just all that good stuff. :) haha
I hate that every job I do is basically me doing heavy lifting, cleaning toilets and dealing with unmanageable customers. Most of them are dumb as wall paint. But...what can I say? Those are the only type of jobs I can get while I'm in school who will work with my schedule. I'd probably kill to sit down sometimes. But I have faith that I will do better than this and it will pay off...somehow...sometime...soon...I hope.
I try to appreciate those things in life that make me smile and reminds me that life ain't so bad. I try. I try to not seem like I'm ungrateful for anything or try to look at the big picture. With me being of the female race....I think I skip that at times. But I do understand and realize that it always could be worst...and things happen for a reason. And as Marge Simpson said "things always work out in the end". Never could of been more right.
As confusing my life is right now...I still manage to find some sort of peace.
I wish you felt that way about me... still hoping and working towards trust and forgiveness...it's not easy. Maybe one day, I'll know what's on your mind and what is going on exactly...because confusion is my middle name.
I gotta go...time for..yep, you guessed it! WORK!
Till next time.

When my day comes...

I went to one of my close friend's graduation today to see her "walk". It was a exciting day. I was really happy for her! And at the same time, I got kind of sad because I should be there. But instead, I'm still there, watching from a far. She seemed happy at first and as the day went on, she seemed to have gotten sad or something. Will it be like that for me when I graduate? Will I be sad on the day I've been waiting for for a long time!? I don't exactly know what was wrong. But I know when my day comes, that weight will be lifted off my shoulders....
and then a new one will come... *sigh*
till next time...soon couldn't come sooner.

Just 'cause

At the end of the day, nobody cares...

when the lights don't shine as bright as they use to

Some people say writing is therapeutic. And in a way, I would like to think so. So, today's post isn't exactly one of my usual random post filled with nonsense. You see, I been going through fairly a lot in the past week or so. I'm still scratching my head on why is life so stressful now-a-days.

You know when you've done something wrong and you wish on everything that you could take it back? That you could change it. But you know you can't and it hurts so much because you can't. And the fact of knowing that you have to live the rest of your life with that poor judgement eats you alive. I try not to mess up when it comes to things in my life (good things) and every so once in a while, I slip. Sometimes, not so bad, others, pretty damn bad. I try to learn from my mistakes and not let them happen again. I'm only human as we all are. I use to didn't quite understand what that really meant. Maybe because I never had any extremely really bad regrets. But I do and so I know.

I wish on everything in this world I could change the way certain things were or have became. I wish I was a better person and that I could show people how much of a better person I could be. I never want to hurt anyone or anything. And when I do, I feel like dirt. Lower than dirt.

One of the worst feelings in the world is loving someone who doesn't love you- so I was told. And you know, it's also very true. It hurts just as bad, if not worst than being stabbed. I've never been stabbed but I can imagine how bad that hurts.

I've had many sleepless nights and sluggish days. And what came out of it? Nothing. Nothing at all. Just a lot of crying, hoping and praying in vain. Am I suppose to just get up and forget about you? That's not possible. Not at all...I can't find myself to do it. I tried just for the sake of my sanity and so I won't keep being such a pathetic soul...It's so hard. I can't. I look at myself in the mirror everyday and kick myself for being so stupid, young and dumb. If only I didn't make mistakes. If only I thought things through thoroughly and really just look what was in front on of me instead of complain, like most of us do. I forgot to count my blessings.

Lord knows how sorry I am and determined to make things right...if given the chance. How many is enough, though? Seems my time is up. And I cry harder thinking about it.

You'll get over it, you'll find someone else, you'll learn from your mistake and with that, it'll make you a better person- I've been told. Those are things I don't want to hear, at all. They don't make me feel better. They don't help the time past by any sooner. They don't make me feel less than garbage that I already feel.

I know I have work to do and things to get done, so I must live my life. I can't seem to get a grasp on things right now. Everything seems to be falling apart for me, once again.

All my dreams and hopes quickly falling apart way quicker than it took to get to where I am. Soon, I'll be back at square one again...a nobody. I'd rather live in my car than return to nothing....as a failure. I seemed to have failed at school, work, my relationship and my dreams, all together. And what do I have to show for it? Nothing.

I use to think I was decent as a person. Now, I'm not so sure anymore.

I wish I could make your heart forgive me and love me again. I wish I could make you feel the same about me. I wish I wasn't so dumb. All I want to do is make things right. I refuse to give up without a fight, as I always been. But when the day comes when you look me in my eyes and tell me you don't love me anymore, I'll be forced to go. Praying that I'll never hear that, I'll try and try until I can make a difference....because you mean that much to me. I don't care what I have to go through because it's no match to what I put you through.

You don't have to protect your heart from me. I wouldn't hurt you that way again. If only I could prove to you how sincere I am...that you're the only one for me and that I've been dumb. I don't wanna give up...please don't stop loving me for good. I feel I don't have much left.

next time...next time...

*why did I pour out my heart on a public blog?? because no one reads it anyway... :-/ *

Dumb stuff people do

Do you ever find yourself sitting at the computer waiting for an email? What has the world come to?

Random thoughts for food?

Recently, I was watching a couple of new music videos and realized something about myself: I don't have patience for music videos anymore. Not even the ones I like the song of. Sad, isn't it? I don't know what it is...I'll watch it till the 1:43 mark, then my attention goes elsewhere. Short attention span catching up with me? Hmm...who knows?

Rap music kinda annoys me now. I use to like it, some what. But now, it's just total garbage. And it's not knock at the GOOD rap. It's that BS by the name of Soulja Boy and Lil'B...ugh. They give good music a bad name.

I'm not into that music that sounds like cats stepping on pianos and a man screaming at the top of his lungs either...(what do you call that?)

I also realize that the weather channel does not predict the weather too good anymore... You think it's gonna be all sunny and smiles, and BAM! Flash flood. Haha, I guess that's life, huh?

I should be doing some sort of homework assignment or project but once again, I'm not able to concentrate. Too much on my mind?

I got an email from my teacher reminding us to meet at a gallery about 30 mins away from where I live. Um...what?

I'm trying to get a new kitty. She's 5 weeks. The youngest I've had in a really long time. Trying to decide when I'm going to go get her.

I have a craving for a pretzel...but I can't get one.

What's with this world and sex anyway? And dumb people....yeah, they annoy me too.

Yeah, random, I know. This is my thought process on a regular basis.

I guess I'll go now. So much to do...not enough time in a day.

Till next time...or not.

what a day...

You know those days when you think to yourself, you should of stayed in bed...Man, today was one of those days.

TODAY SUCKED!!! BAD!!!

I mean the only thing good that came out good from today is I got a job...ABOUT DARN TIME!! :( I should of stayed in bed, though...for real...

Plus, my dad...seriously needs to get off Facebook! >:( But that's another story for another time.

Til next darn time....

Public service announcements

I wonder why people don't wash their hands when they come out of the bathroom? I mean, we just went through the whole swine flu scare thing and crap and people still don't do it? What gives? I mean, are you THAT darn gross?! Ugh...I makes me nervous now to shake hands with anyone or whatever. I can't just NOT wash my hands. Ugh...and worse enough, it's like people don't care that you are in the same bathroom with you. Man, I'm going to stick to head nods or dap...or something... Hugs aren't even safe anymore. LOL

Random...I know, but people please! WASH YOUR HANDS!!!!

One of those days

Hello again! Yeah, yeah, I know its been a while again, but at least it hasn't been a few months in between. With all the things that are going on these days, sometimes it's hard to just you know, write. At least for me it is. Anyway...

Another weird sunny/hot/partially cloudy day....and I'm in the house just lounging. I could be doing something constructive. It's not like I don't have anything to do. But I'm just eating waffles, talking to my cousin, and writing this. Hmm.

I think I'm going to look into another profession... something that doesn't cost much but will make much. If that makes sense.

Yahoo news usually have good news but when it's slow news day, OMG, do they put the most random nonsense articles up. I can't really lie, though. I do enjoy the "best frozen foods to eat and the worst frozen foods to eat" articles. Ugh...

I think I need more motivation because it's hard for me to get things done and with it not being enough hours in a day, what's a girl to do?? Sometimes, I question is animation is what I want to do anymore. I love to draw. I love to make stories. But when it comes to me animating, I choke up...ugh. Why don't I have more confidence in myself? Who knows. I have a great support system in my hometown and in my apartment which I love them very much. But for some reason, I can't get inspired the way I should be...ugh.

It started to rain really bad just now. Pouring. I been writing this entry for about 3 hours now. Why am I not done? I think I need a cup of coffee. I think I'm going to go get me some.

In the meantime, blah. Because it's just one of does days.

Till next time